Silence of the Lifts
Ever wonder how long silence takes before it becomes awkward ?
For Italians, it’s 6.2 seconds. In Thailand, it’s 8.2 seconds. In the UK 7.1 seconds.
This morning, Canon Dr. Reverend Jennifer Smith shared these insights during BBC Radio 4’s Today program’s Thought for the Day. Her comments were based on a study about silence by Preply
The study explained cultural differences I’ve seen firsthand:
???? A Brazilian client I worked with recently—where silence gets awkward after just 5.5 seconds—struggled with pausing in presentations. Even a brief pause felt unnatural, like a missed beat.
The Sound of Silence (at Work)
The study also revealed a workplace perception:
- “In the workplace, awkward silences are worsened when they are with superiors as opposed to colleagues.
- While only one in five employees find silence with colleagues awkward, this figure rises to one in three when the silence occurs with a boss.”
I often tell my clients that how silence feels to you isn’t how it comes across to others.
What might feel painfully long to the speaker can seem thoughtful and measured to the listener.
Here’s a technique I’ve found useful:
???? Pause three times as often as you think you need to, and for three times as long.
Pause Fiction
Sometimes, even a longer, awkward pause can have impact.
I once spoke at SXSW in Austin, Texas, about the How To Academy book I wrote with Charlotte McDougall. Right from the start, one person in the third row was glued to his phone.
After I spoke about the power of silence, I decided to experiment. I told the group: “Let’s find out how long it takes to get that guy off his phone.”
Then I stopped speaking.
It was the longest seven seconds of my life.
But it worked. He looked up—and I had him for the rest of the talk.
A Lift Less Ordinary
The study also points out that silences within confined spaces, like lifts, are the most likely to make people squirm.
But what if we saw this as an opportunity? What if lifts became the perfect space for meaningful conversation—or even testing out your elevator pitch?
My personal experience? I once got a job in a lift.
The Lift Also Rises
When I was 26, I moved from Washington, D.C., to New York City. While hunting for the job of my dreams, I temped as a PA at an insurance company.
One day, I found myself waiting for the lift next to a guy from the adjoining office, Omega Advisors.
By the time we reached the ground floor, we’d covered:
- Oasis vs. Pulp (it was the ‘90s)
- The West Village (where we both lived)
- What Omega Advisors was (a hedge fund)
- My dream of becoming a political analyst
Turns out, Dr. Hall—my elevator companion—was the chief economist at Omega Advisors and he needed help.
Two days later, I had an official interview. A couple of weeks later, I started the job.
???? What’s your experience with silences? Have you used them to your advantage—or do they just feel awkward? Ever had a good conversation in an elevator?
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